Shelbi's Story

When I was fourteen, I looked around my freshman class and realized I was different. Most times, this revelation isn’t startling, but to me it was, because it was then that I understood everyone else was not being consumed by feelings of anxiety and stress. To my eyes, they seemed happier and more carefree, and I wondered where I went wrong. 

During my sophomore year, more and more of my friends were starting to notice I was tense all the time. “You’ve got to relax, Shelbi,” they’d tell me. But how could I explain I didn’t know how? I knew there were ways to achieve relaxation, but I couldn’t do them, no matter how hard I tried. There always seemed to be a sensation of weight inside my chest, and it felt like my heart could stop, because it was always beating at such a fast pace. I’d get constant headaches due to tension, and I rarely allowed people to give me shoulder or neck massages, because my muscles were so tight--it was painful for me to be touched by people. 

Obsessing about little things that other people considered no big deal, I worried about my grades nonstop. My parents demanded high grades in order to receive scholarships and be accepted into college. I also considered any grade below an A to be a personal failing of my character. Because of that, I strove to be a perfectionist. If even one thing went wrong, my stress levels rose, because it meant I lost control of the situation. In my mind, I believed that anything, even the events that were uncontrollable, had to go the way I wanted, or else everything would spiral out of control. I was almost never happy, and I’d find fault in things that were never perfect in the first place. 

By the end of junior year, I knew something had to change. I approached my teachers for help, and they sent me to the school counselor. She got me the name and number of a psychologist, who in turn recommended anti-anxiety medication. With their help, I got my life back on track and started to relax more. I began to rediscover what the true meaning of fun is.

Now, I am a senior. Looking back, I realize how far I have come, and how far I need to go. I regret not getting help sooner, but the months of unrelenting anxiety made me appreciate what I have now even more. Just a short time ago, I felt like I was drowning in negative feelings, but I coped by asking for help and trying to relax. Even though anxiety and stress seem isolating, just remember that people are never alone.