Dear Dr. Jan,

Have u ever been that one kid in your grade that is always different, that never seems to fit in with the grade or the school? Have u just been so different that you want to be yourself but are so driven down by what people think of u?
--Nick

Dear Nick,

Yes! In fact, I think you might be surprised at how common an experience this is for many people, particularly during their teen years. We live in a society that rewards conformity and punishes differences. Despite this, I encourage people to try and maintain their individuality. They ultimately will be better off being true to themselves while learning how to deal with people who would rather see them conform.

I often hear from parents, for example, “Why can’t my kid just be normal?” I always let them know to be careful what they wish for because normal really means “average.” And how boring would it be to just be average?

These issues have significant potential impact on our self-image. It is true that our perception of ourselves is in part related to feedback we get from others. This is why it is so important to shift from worrying about being accepted by others to focus on being more self-accepting. It is also helpful to try and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are and are not pressuring you to be someone you’re not.

Hang in there. If you try to remain true to yourself despite what others may think or say, you will discover that you will have a richer and more rewarding life.